may 11, 2012 by kelli kelley leave a comment

Mother’s Day will soon be here – a time to celebrate and honor mothers and motherhood – a time to reflect on the influence our mothers (or a significant maternal figure) had in our lives.  And hopefully, a time where we, as moms are encouraged to relax and enjoy a little pampering.

For moms with a baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), Mother’s Day can be bitter sweet.  No woman plans or expects to begin her journey as a mom this way!  But for more than 500,000 moms each year, their baby arrives too soon and too small, and must be whisked away to be cared for in a NICU.

I wrestled with my role as a mom for many months following the preterm birth of my son at 24 weeks gestation. (Read my full story with before and after photos.) I felt more like a bystander than his mother because I was unable to hold him, feed him or participate in his complicated medical care.  I was ashamed because I found the first photos of him to be terrifying and disconcerting.   I was plagued with guilt for “failing” to carry him to term.  I desperately just wanted to start over.  I was not sure I could handle being the mom of such a medically fragile child.

For years I kept these feelings of guilt and shame to myself.  What kind of mother would people think I was if I admitted that I did not feel an immediate bond with my own baby?  It was not until I read the transcript for the new book entitled, Preemie:  Lessons in Love, Life and Motherhood, written by preemie mom, Kasey Mathews, that I fully accepted the emotions I felt after Jackson’s early birth and understood that they were normal.  With each page of the book I found myself shaking my head in understanding and wiping away tears of gratitude for the courage of the author to allow herself to be so vulnerable and voice her darkest secrets…

To read the rest of Kelli’s article, click here 

8 days until Preemie’s release date!  Thanks to all for your ongoing support!